Denied Meat

You are my best friend and somehow I hate you. You wake me every morning before I am ready to get up. Your wet nose irritates my cheek and your tongue aggravates my lips. Groggy, you force my eyes open. Once we make eye contact your hooks dig in and you start to growl. Anxious you nimbly leap over me with an energy that this early angers me. Squatting by the door you continue to stare at me. A-wiggle bottomed you growl again. I turn over and put the covers over my head. Claws clicking on hardwood and the bed suddenly jumping and I know you have returned to start the process over. Finally I succumb to your harassment and I open the door. Surly and unkind I insult you. "Fine you fucking idiot, we'll do it your way. Right? Cause that's what we always do, right?" Excited you hop up on your back legs and continue the growl in the back of your throat. I make a pit stop at the bathroom, and you are displeased. Returning to your bottom-wiggling, hunched pose you await my return. Lo! I return. You continue your push to the back door. Like Lassie you lead me to the well, or in your case the door only I control. One more pit stop at the coffee pot and you try to make your displeasure as visible as possible. Bottom flat-out-vibrating, paws-a-hopping, and head-a-wagging you do your best to be patient but damnit you are pissing me off. The coffee starts percolating. Finally, the moment we have all been waiting for, your triumphant release into the wild. You as tired of me as I am of you, I slide the glass open and out you bound. Two steps into the world you could not wait for and you stop, like you always stop, and turn around. Heart broken, you stare at me, like you are realizing that I am not coming with you for the first time. It is not the first time. I sigh. This final concession I make to appease the desires of another living being, but like every morning  I am exasperated and my eyelids burn as they squint. I step outside, barefooted and boxered, onto the cool brick patio. You are the happiest thing alive in the entire world. You hop and bound five leaps forward right up to the patio table and I smile. You run back to me. You run away. You get your ball and shake it back and forth, a mauling instinct manifested in a much cuter way. You convince me that you are not so bad.

thats my girl