I need to start over. Somewhere I went astray and now "normal" hurts. My head aches. My ribs hurt. My heart pounds. I need so much attention but I don't want to be around anybody. The people I love the most are the people I want to hear from the least.
My pants were stained with blood and mucus. I don't remember where that bruise on my hip came from. My body started leaking blood and bile. And I miss that. I am in a computer lab. I see a kid playing WOW. I see a kid 10 tabling on Poker Stars. That's hardcore. I struggled with 9 and was never profitable at more than 4.
I demand love from others I am not willing to give myself. I am much better at taking care of others than myself. I feel boring. I feel obnoxious. I feel fatigued, and I feel like I'm drowning. They say it will get better. I believe them. Right now, it sucks. Right now, it hurts.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I feel like I'm going to spew
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